People pleasing may involve anticipated disapproval, learned expectations, dependence, or a practical safety decision. EGO's Approval Bargain is one lens to test against your own situation, not a diagnosis of why you say yes.
A worked situation: An optional invitation
Fictional example. A reader accepts invitations she does not want because she imagines rejection if she declines. Another accepts a demand because refusal could threaten housing. Those circumstances require different responses.
Work through these questions: An optional invitation
| Question or field | Fictional completed example |
|---|---|
| Specific request? | An optional invitation |
| Expected reaction? | Rejection |
| Actual dependence? | None in this example |
| Available choice? | Decline politely |
| Evidence? | Observe the real response without assuming it |
Examine one bargain rather than your entire identity
Record the request, the answer you wanted to give, the expected reaction, and any real dependence. Compare the imagined benefit of agreement with the actual commitment it created. The Approval Bargain is an author lens on that episode. It does not prove one cause for every accommodating act or make generosity, duty, and safety irrelevant.